I know that sounds terrible but it is true! I have been caught cheating, and even though I wish I really cared I don’t. It’s hard not to cheat on my new diet. I mean come on, NO bread, NO pasta, just a bunch of meat that looks like road kill and veggies that have a weird texture. Okay, I love veggies, but hate most of the meat! Red meat freaks me out, and I can always see the fragments of veiny shit in lean meats. ICK! Needless to say, I hate meat. And boy how I miss SODA! I am a diet soda kind of girl, but even that makes you gain weight. Anyway, back to the reason I cheated. I had a little get together with some friends this past weekend. Of course there was alcohol and OF COURSE I drank it. I love playing beer pong so I figured a couple game couldn’t hurt. Then, I had friends over for the championship football games and all they brought was junk food. I guess the easiest thing to do is blame is on the a a a alcohol but I guess I will take some responsibility and say yeah it was all me. After a weekend of being a fat ass I saw I was paying for it when the scale at the gym started crying when I stepped on it. To top it all off I am sick, so working out is the last thing on my mind. To say the least I'm a naughty girl, and it’s hard to end my disastrous affair with food. Oh my, will Adkins still love me when he hears I have been cheating on him? = ( Oh don’t worry he is wrapped around my finger and I will convince him to give me one more try!
My gym bff and I are starting Kick boxing tomorrow. Every Tuesday and Thursday from 930am to 1030am. Now that will kick my flabby booty into shape! I have been spending 2 hours 6 days a week at the gym and my confidence is finally getting boosted. Not because I have lost the weight, but because I am in control over it! Whatever I want to do I can do, and no matter how many times I fall I will pull myself back up and keep on keepin on. I am also going to start running with my Chihuahua at night. =)
My new favorite show is "I used to be fat" although I am smaller then everyone that has been on that show, it makes me think "Wow, look how great they look now, one day I'll meet my goal."
I have come to the self realization that all my issues stem from my lack of self worth. I know I have said that before but I have realized this, whenever I want to try something new my automatic thought is that I won’t be good at it. I, in my own eyes have never been smart enough, talented enough, pretty enough, strong enough and the list goes on. When I am bad at something I automatically call myself out so no one else has the chance to. Even when people are joking about something I did wrong, or joke about me doing something stupid I take it all to heart because honestly I don’t think I'm good enough. My fear is that I will never be good enough for me; I'm scared I will always focus on my flaws and never on my strengths. And the sad thing is, I can be the nicest person to everyone else, I can always find something good about everyone else, but I never can for myself... no matter how many compliments I get from other people, I always find ways to disprove it. But that is way I am doing this, not just to lose weight, but to finally be the person I want to be inside and out.
Starting next post I will list one thing good thing about myself. It might be hard but it will be worth it!
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